And now these three remain faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1Corinthians13-13
Today’s Johannesburg wedding is a true testament that LOVE truly conquers all. King and Ntokozo’s journey to the altar was a difficult one. However, through faith, love and perseverance, they made it. I couldn’t help but think; maybe the Apostle Paul was testifying about them in 1Corinthians 13vs13. LOVE remains and LOVE WINS.
The Love Story
We were friends for a long time before we officially started dating. He was actually involved with someone else when we started being friends☺. We grew closer and closer as my parents had asked him to come and help in playing drums at their church. Due to him helping me out with the worship team as well, we grew closer & closer and started to just share our dreams and desires with each other. I think for me it was great because I started to see a glimpse of the things I had prayed for when asking God for a life partner. It’s important that God confirms in your heart about your partner, not in anybody else’s heart. People, even those that love you, can lead you astray without realising.
Long story short after we had told our parents on both sides that we were entering into a relationship and that we desired it to be a long-term/forever type of thing we started attending Couple’s Connect which was headed up by Kgaogelo and Tlhologelo Mabelane who were close friends of ours and leaders at His People UJ Campus. We learnt a lot from those sessions through other young couples sharing their testimonies and also struggles that they had undergone. From those sessions, he confirmed to me that he wants to marry me and started saving up for lobola. During this time we had a lot of support from both sides of the family. We argued and fought a lot and my mom ended up organising some pre-marital counselling for us. We learnt some great lessons in those sessions.
In December 2013 King asked to spend Christmas with my family and my parents agreed. We all drove to my gran’s house in Randfontein and alas the talk of marriage came up there. We got a lecture from my grandmother and parents about how we need to get married because we are spending too much together and starting to act like we are a married couple already, which is wrong especially because my parents are pastors and we would be sending the wrong message to the church. The thing that sparked the lecture was me being invited to spend New Year’s Eve with King’s family since they were having a family get together. According to my grandmother spending time with your boyfriend’s family before they’ve paid lobola was not right and seemed disrespectful.
Stemming from that lecture we spoke and he told me that he wanted to send a letter to my parents requesting for my hand in marriage. On the 31st January 2014 he lost his job and when I asked him if he would still want to send the letter he said yes. I made a choice to stand by my man and believe God for another job for him. I think the fact that he had lost his job scared my parents; which is normal for any parent. You want to be comfortable in the fact that the man will be able to take care of your daughter.
His family sent a letter and on the 8th March 2014, his uncles came and were received and accepted by my family. The agreement was they would come back to finish off the payment, meaning we were not yet officially married. My parents are pastors are very strict. King had asked his uncles to ask if he could put a ring on my finger after he had paid the first amount for lobola, however, that question was never asked due the shock of the amount that was charged for the lobola ( a story for another day). That day (lobola), a day that was meant to be one of the greatest in my life turned out to be very painful and I didn’t understand what exactly was happening.
Our friends the Mabelane’s and Mohlala’s along with King came to check on me, I will forever be grateful for these two couples. Well after all of the day’s drama we went to church the following Sunday 9th March 2014. I was convinced that he wouldn’t come because of the disappointment of what had happened the previous day but to my surprise, he was there☺. After the sermon, my Mom & Dad (founding pastors of the church) and Aunt prayed for us in front of the whole congregation and said they were blessing us as per God’s instructions. You’d be shocked if I tell you that after all of that, we spent the next 2 years fighting and trying to defend our honour in the relationship. Things turned very messy. Every day was worse than the previous one, my Parents stopped believing in our relationship and started to dislike King.
I still don’t understand why but I think it had everything to do with the fact that he had lost his job and I was working. It was believed that I had paid for my own lobola and every form of “evidence” that was found proved that and also that he was a man unworthy to be MY husband. If you go looking for a wrong you will surely find it, that’s what I have learnt. One thing that kept us together through all of that was God’s love and reassurance that He was there with us and we should continue to trust him.
Fast forward to November 29th, 2015; it was after a concert he was a part of that the “proposal” happened. We went to McDonald’s, I know right, you’re all thinking what a cheap way to propose. But when you have been through everything that we had been through, you realise that all the money in the world will not bring you happiness. We ordered ice-cream and he put the ring in it. I smiled and got teary. He took the ring out, wiped off the ice – cream and asked that I accept the ring as a symbol of his love and reassurance that he indeed still wanted to marry me even through all the drama that we were still experiencing.
The Planning Process
Our planning process was eventful. We were still experiencing a lot of drama with my side of the family when deciding to finally get married. My parents were adamant that I would not marry King and that they would never accept him. In January 2016 we were asked to witness for our friends who were getting married in court. Being there we became emotional and decided that we must also sign (elope) and tell all families later.
We had always wanted our dear friends the Mabelane’s to witness for us so befittingly we went to go tell them what we were planning. I thank the Lord every day for blessing us with such wise friends. They supported our decision to finally get married but not in the way we wanted to do it. Their advice was; tell both families that you want to sign before doing it. Because God will forever be an advocate for respect. If after telling them and they still say no, then you will know that you have done your best.
We did just as we were advised, but according to culture what we wanted to do was not right. That is the response that we received when speaking to King’s family. He still had to finish off lobola and the family was under the impression that he didn’t want to finish off. He communicated our desires to his family and told them that he still wants to finish off but we definitely want to sign on the 12th March so they would have to arrange that the meeting happens before then.
They were not impressed. He asked them to send a follow-up letter to my parents asking to return to finish off the lobola. Sadly my parents didn’t accept the letter. As I was no longer a member of my parent’s church I asked some leaders of the church that I am currently a member of to accompany me to go speak with my parents. On the day that we had to go I was involved in a car accident but I survived.
The following week I communicated that I would like to visit my parents with my pastors(Langa and Unathi Mbonambi) and Mentors & Premarital counsellors(Taryn & Mike Hinton) and my mom advised that my dad said I should come alone. My parents said I could get married but they wouldn’t hand me over. I still love them though and I know that they also love me; there is no manual for being a parent and every parent will handle things the best way they know how. ☺
We fought to get married right until the Monday before our wedding. So all forms of planning fell away. His family was also adamant that we shouldn’t get married until everything was sorted. They supported our relationship fully however they were just fearful of how things were turning out. WE WERE CONFIDENT OF WHAT GOD HAD CONFIRMED IN OUR HEARTS AND WE KNEW THAT WE HAD TO DO THIS.
One Thing I’d Change
Nothing really except having my mom, dad and younger brother present to share in such a great day in my life.
Our Wedding In 7 Words
Joy! A true love story never ends!
My dress chose me☺
28th January 2016 we prayed to God asking him if we were doing the right thing by planning to get married. Friday morning 29th January 2016, a colleague of mine Carla Ferreira casually offered me a wedding dress. That was my answer from the previous night’s prayer!!! I teared up and immediately phoned King to tell him what God had just done; he too was in awe of God. Carla was shocked because she didn’t know half of the struggles that we were going through and to her, she thought I probably wouldn’t accept it. That was the first of many gifts that Lord was still to bless us with for our wedding day.
The Biggest Investment
Biggest Investment was our marriage and finally taking the plunge to take our relationship to the next level. We have never been happier and given a chance, we would do it all over again even with the challenges because those made us stronger. Our wedding was all about how love can truly conquer all.
Make God the centre of your relationship. This is important because being in a relationship is not easy and it takes two willing people to make it work. Make Him the standard. Follow your heart and do what is best for you. This is your day after all. It is not about people but about your lives together. People who really care about you will not pressure you into spending large amounts of money that you don’t have. They will always encourage you to invest in the things that truly matter and that is life after the wedding. It gets real and after everyone has left it will just be the two of you. Make it count!Photographer: Unathi Mbonambi
Facebook Page: Unathi Mbonambi Photography – Jhb
Mobile: 082 696 2922
Email: [email protected]
Dress: Gift from Carla Ferreira
Make-Up: Sibongile Precious Dhlamini, Founder of Preesbb
Facebook Page: Preesbb
Mobile: 079 661 3839
Hair: Tlhologelo Mabelane, Founder of Mabu Tribe
Facebook Page: Mabu
Mobile: 076 276 8752
Cake: Tia Hiscock
Mobile: 081 543 2106
Suits: Groomsmen suits bought from Designer Warehouse; Groom’s suit tailored by Francois 073 516 7393
Décor/Wedding Planner: Sindy Dorcas Nchoe and Mrs B. Ntuli
Flowers: Flowers bought from Grandiflora, bouquet and arrangements by Sindy Dorcas Nchoe
King and Ntokozo, thank you for sharing your wedding story with us. You both looked stunning plus you make a beautiful couple. God bless you richly.
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