Good morning my loves. I sorry I missed you on Monday. I have received some of your feedback about the lack of professionalism in the traditional wedding market. I encourage you not to lose hope. The market still has awesome suppliers who go above and beyond the call of duty for their clients. You have to be diligent, do your research and ask for mockups. Don’t just believe everything they show you on the gram, ask questions and if you are not sure then don’t book with them.
I ‘m putting together a supplier list. All the suppliers on the list will have to answer rigorous questions to ensure that they are diligent and care about their clients. If you’d like to list your business please email with the subject LIST.
For now, though, enjoy this gorgeous Tswana and Sotho wedding.
How did you meet?
We are both into hip hop, so back in the day, there used to be this cool spot in Greenside that was called Tokyo star. They used to play old school hip hop jams. It was a cool kinda spot. I went there that evening to go kick it with my good girlfriend and some of her Cape town friends who happen to have been in town. Kgosi (my husband) was also there but with his group of friends. I didn’t know him at that stage. He kept spilling drinks by “mistake” on my friend and me the entire night. He would of course apologise but we were annoyed at the whole situation that we eventually stopped being annoyed. Eventually, he started chatting to us particularly me a lot…and as they say, the rest is history.
How did he propose?
My husband is a very intimate private person. It was the evening before I went home for the lobola negotiations. We had come back from a celebratory dinner and drinks with friends when we got home I was busy in the other rooms and then when I walked into our bedroom I found him on one knee with an engagement ring, very unexpected and surprised.
Did he pay lobola, if so can you tell us about the whole process?
Of course, he paid Lobola …lol. He had too. My family would have never forgiven us. The whole process started with him writing a letter to my family. He is Tswana and I am Sotho (from Lesotho).
His family wrote the letter in Setswana to my family. They hand-delivered the letter and it was well-received. My family did a bit of research on the customs around Setswana lobola negotiations and in turn, so did his family around Sotho customs. I think the elders did this to ensure everything went well. A date was set by my family and so the proceedings began. The day they came to pay Lobola, he was not allowed to partake in them so naturally like most cultures, his uncles and aunts represented him and in turn, so did my family for me. The months leading to this day, my aunt had explained how things would work and what would be expected of me on the big day. So on the day, I waited patiently in a room at home to wait for the elders to call me and for all to be completed. It’s so nerve-wracking because nothing is in your control really and the anxiety of hoping that all goes well can get to one. ( From the minute his family waited at the gate pleading to be allowed to come in to negotiate to the closing with joy and celebrations, it’s all out of your control) At this stage, I was waiting dressed in my Sesotho traditional attire (full blanket, toku and all) when I heard the elders ululate. I knew then that they had agreed on terms. My aunts led by uncles came to fetch me out of the room so I could be showed to my inlaws and just like that it was done.
There was a receipt between the two families (that had details of the lobola) that was signed by the elders of which each family kept a copy. This receipt serves as proof that Kgosi and I were now traditionally married. The rest of the day was filled with celebrations of song and dance between the two families.
How did you find the planning process?
I often joke and say I would never plan another wedding again because of its so much work. We knew that we would be having two traditional weddings(one on each side of the family) as well as a white wedding. Our families were supportive and we are lucky in that regard. Each family planned their traditional wedding respectively with us overlooking some elements that were a must for us. We got a wedding planner for our white wedding because we wanted someone to manage the entire event from a professional point of view. Having the wedding planner also reduced stress a lot especially because we both have demanding schedules.
Concerning the traditional wedding, we honestly let our families take the lead with it. The elderly family members helped a lot in organising the traditional. There were some customs and traditions to follow and who would know best if not them.
Was the community involved in helping with the wedding? If you please tell us more…
Not so much. It was primarily our families who helped. I also think it’s got a lot to do with where we come from it terms of our homes and the areas they are in. Very suburban etc
Marriage is such a big deal, at what point did you know you were ready. You know you are ready when you meet the right person. When you start dating, you are at the phase where you getting to know each other… I think within the first year or so of dating and getting to know each other. One knows if they see themselves with the person they dating for the rest of their life.
Tell us about your suppliers, how did you find them?. Would you say your suppliers delivered as promised?
A lot of our supplier base came through our wedding planner. A lot also came through referrals from other friends who had either used the supplier or seen their work at functions. Word of mouth still plays a vital role.
I’m very big on using the same people over and over, that way you build a relationship with them and they get to know your look and feel. It makes it easy when planning a function. For example, I have one go-to girl for makeup, stationary as well as videographer. They have been my go-to suppliers for some time.
Did you learn any lessons through your wedding journey? If so can you tell us of 3 lessons you’ve taken away based on your experience…
Communication with your partner is of utmost importance to ensure you are both on the same page, communication, communication, communication!
What was the favourite part of the wedding?
For the white wedding, it was walking down the aisle when I was the center of focus for everyone especially my husband knowing that he is at the end of the aisle waiting for me was something special. The celebrations afterward were also pretty epic. For the traditional wedding, it must have been when I was welcomed into my new family and also when my husband’s family came to fetch me. We walked singing and dancing in the streets with a brass band. Brass Bands make a traditional wedding. Lol
What would you say to couples planning their wedding at the moment?
Enjoy every moment. Like once the big day comes and passes, you find that you miss planning and having that big day to look forward to.
It’s completely normal to fight with your partner about decisions concerning the day and even the family expectations. As much as it’s your ideal day, one must remember that everyone has a vision and idea of how this day should be including the parents. The trick is understanding and balancing out everyone’s vision without compromising your own.
Have fun and make memories with your partner.
Now that you are married, has life changed much? Do you both have the same friends or are you making new ones? If so tell us a little about how you are adjusting…
Life has changed slightly. Just some family obligations here and there now that we married but other than that, not much has changed. The family obligations involve a little bit of discipline and effort on our side to meet them. I think we have both adjusted well in that regard.
How we interact and hang out as a couple has not changed. When we met we had separate individual friends and those friends today are still around. Of course, we have friends that we have picked up along our journey and those are just as equally important to us as the old ones we individually had.
If you loved this wedding, you’ll adore this one, click here.